Flashbacks happen; but continue the journey

 

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Hope you guys are all having a good day. I have been busy at work and with college so I haven’t really been able to be on here. I went to bed last night trying to distract myself from the sad thoughts I was feeling. I finally went to bed and woke up. Checked my phone and right there on it was 4 unread text messages from my ex. I opened it and all it said was “Remember this?” Then it was 3 different angled pictures of the pants he bought when we were on one of our dates together.

Right away my brain thought of how much fun we had that day. How we went to dinner together and sat next to each other, giggling, kissing and eating.. It took everything in me to not say “Awe babe I remember how much fun we had that day.” I chose to not respond. Felt like if I responded that he would think everything is suddenly okay between us, which it isn’t. He didn’t want to commit to us and it sucks that we can’t be friends. But it is the hard cold truth. I don’t understand why he felt the need to text me. I said I was done. I know he is not begging me to talk to him, or get back together. It was a simple text, but it was a reminiscent one.

I cannot be friends with somebody I am in love with. It will confuse me like it did the past month if I go back to him and give him the time of day. I thought by responding would show him that we can have normal conversations with out him wanting a relationship with me, which I do not accept. I am not a selfish person I have so much love to give, but after getting hurt so many times, isn’t it only right to choose self love at some point? Have you experienced this struggle where the temptation is there, but you know better?

The show is over. It was so fulfilling and entertaining, but eventually left me empty. I distracted myself at work and am feeling more positive. It is funny how you can read something or see a text from somebody who was your everything and let it affect you. I don’t want to give my power away anymore, but I am definitely improving. We are not perfect and accepting that is a major step.

This picture below is exactly how I feel. By responding to his message I would be disrespecting what I had said and for the first time with a temptation, I chose myself. I want to forget about my history with him, but the truth is I will never forget him. When I see him, I remember all the things we did together, how he tried to make love to me. But, the scar he left was bigger than his love and I accept what it is and this too shall pass.

Feel free to leave a comment letting me know if this relates to anybody out there.

One thought on “Flashbacks happen; but continue the journey

  1. So happy for you! I have been through this sooo many times with my ex. I have to say I have given in multiple times and ended up at the very beginning of going through the heart break all over again. It’s easy to stay with makes us comfortable, but we do not grow and actually learn how to find true love that way. In order to find true love you need to be true, and that comes with being true to yourself first. So proud to read that you were strong enough to not respond. Keep up your posts! I think you’re doing great 🙂

    Like

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